Bad day at school on Friday.

I really didn't expect this to happen. I don't know what to say. But I just feel like rambling on and on and on and on and on. How could I have let this happen to myself? Seriously, I've got to do sth about this.

I went to school kinda happy, thinking that MSND would bring me some joy. But my hopes were kinda crushed in the morning. I was really looking forward to it, but it seemed like God closed the door. And then, the things that happened in the afternoon didn't make it much better. I tried not to. But I just couldn't help it. I'm not meeting my own expectations, others' expectations and it makes me feel really lousy.

I know I should be feeling happy inside, and trust me, I am. But theres this part of me which keeps asking why others can when I can't. Is it because I haven't been giving my best? Perhaps. But honestly, I don't know what to do anymore.

By right, I should be stressed cause my parents won't be happy with this. But I told them and they were rather encouraging. But I feel even worse now, because they trusted me but I wasn't able to do as well as I wanted to.

Dear God, I know you're there.

Sermon today was really refreshing and it was very appropriate for my situation now. God has 4 different answers when we pray to him. Its either a 'no', 'wait', 'yes' or 'I have a greater plan'. After listening to it, I was confused for a while because I don't know whether my prayer requests are inappropriate or just not in accordance to God's will.

Somehow after the entire sermon, I felt tugged. Like what the bible said, 'Do not be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition, surrender it to God." Honestly, its so hard to surrender now. But, I will just try. And if I don't get it, I'll take it as a clear signal that God is saying 'NO' to me. And I shouldn't be so stubborn anymore.

Sometimes I really wish I was living in the past.

Dear God, I can't do this on my own. You know what's best.