It makes me wonder if I’m doing enough, wonder if I’m doing the best that I can, wonder if I did what was right.

The past week was alright, not spectacular, not bad either. Its just that with each day that passes, I’m nearer to prelims and Os. Prelims are starting this Wed. Which is, I don’t know how to explain. Stressful, really.

The entire week was filled with so many doubts. I didn’t know what was going on, and I don’t know whats going on until now.

Friday was by far the worst day of the week. I don’t exactly know how to exaplain this in words, but it wasn’t a very nice feeling. Its like sitting down there knowing full well about what was going on, yet being rendered as helpless, even though you know that you’re the only one who has enough to make that difference. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about this now, especially with prelims just next week. But, there are some things which will just be there, whether you like it or not.

Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone who will actually understand how I feel, and give me solid advice, rather than saying, “trust in God”, or “I’ll pray for you.” I already know this, and I’m doing that fervently. But I guess I need someone who will be there, to shake me and wake me up, someone to help me through this.

It makes me wonder, if everything I have done was to waste.

I made a promise that I would make a difference last year. I wonder if I made that difference. I wonder if anyone felt that difference, I wonder if anyone saw that difference. I also told myself that we’d do well to make her cry at the end. But we didn’t. That was a regret. I’m not trying to be sadist. Unless you know who I’m talking about, then you won’t really get it.

I wonder if anything I do now, or in the future will be of any help. I wonder if I can still do what I promised to. I wonder if thay will repeat the mistakes that I made.

My heart wrenched when I heard what they wanted to do.

For only you know whats going on, and only you will see us through this.